Chris, I agree with *everything* you have said here. And I get all those same questions and give all those same answers. Everyone has different distance tolerances, but I try (when I’m feeling like a guilty mom or daughter) to remind myself that we’ve given our kids an amazing opportunity to expand their worlds and—let’s be real—a safe place to land should the US continue its downward spiral.
We also let our kids choose what they wanted to save when we downsized and surprisingly—it wasn’t much (at least a lot less than what we would’ve saved!). Loved letting them be a part of that.
It's refreshing to listen to you talk about this openly. I particularly like the part where you say that you had discussions a few years ago with your parents to discover their views about care/help when they get older.
I do think that you were having/are having conversations that most people defer to later (in many cases never) because of fear. Fear of confronting the inevitable. But I also think that one of the most loving things you can do for a person is to have those conversations, put your plan in place and not leave it all for someone else to clear up.
People ask myself and my sister similar questions, sometimes even more pointed as we only have each other. We have talked about these difficult questions for many years and life feels lighter for doing so.
One of the things we loved that we did before we left was inviting the kids over to take stuff. We got to share the back stories on heirlooms. They took whatever they wanted. We told them to act as if we were dead, and just take take take! Getting rid of all of our stuff now rather than forcing them to have to deal with it all after our death was so refreshing.
We met with resistance from family members we least expected to, and the ones we thought would be dead set against our nomad plans were actually supportive. You never know.
My MIL said she was sad that we were leaving the USA and that she'd never see us now. We live in WA state and she is in KY. The reality is that once we don't have a house and property to take care of, we will be able to spend more time with her, and more often. She has property and will be taking care of the grand-dogs for us.
One potential issue I can foresee is too much time together in a chunk. I love my parents, but I am used to visiting with them for a few hours and then not seeing them for a few weeks. I think when we visit, we'll get our own place.
Chris, this is going to hit a nerve — and that’s probably why it matters.
The data piece is powerful. So many people use “family” as a reason not to leap, but when you showed the actual days together before and after? That reframes everything. Intentional beats proximity.
I also appreciate that you didn’t sugarcoat the elder-care question. It’s layered. Cultural. Emotional. But you named something important: planning conversations early changes the dynamic from guilt to clarity.
What stood out to me most was this idea:
“When we changed the dynamic, the family changed, too.”
That’s the part people underestimate. We assume the structure has to stay fixed for everyone to stay connected. But sometimes removing the “home base” forces relationships to become more deliberate — less default, more chosen.
We launched our own midlife shift at 53, and I heard versions of the same concern: What about the kids? What about being available? And what I’ve found is that adult children don’t need a physical headquarters. They need presence, honesty, and a model of what it looks like to build a life you actually want.
That said — I’m curious. Has there been a moment in these five years where you questioned the choice? Not enough to undo it, but enough to feel the pull of a more rooted life?
Because I think that tension — freedom vs. proximity — is the real conversation.
Bold piece. I'm not surprised that it's sparking some comment threads!
Thank you Kelly. Yes, that tension with our daughter shows up often. But I think its more her growing pains than us making a careless decision. It’d like to write more about this because I don't. It’s too personal to her, and I don’t have her permission. (I haven’t asked.)
Absolutely right. My family fully expects me to be traveling the world for as long as I choose to once I get Dad's stuff sorted and the house sold. For which I've given myself a year. And they're aware of that too. I have three grandchildren from 15 to 3 months. Definitely plan on being back to visit for brief periods.
When I used to imagine retirement and more travel, it never occurred to me that I would feel so much conflict about being away from family. That was a revelation. When I retired we moved to same town as my parents (who are in the 80s) and now I see them every day. They have come to rely on me.
Now, every time I go away, I feel like I am abandoning them. My next trip is in a few weeks and I'll be gone for two months. I know they will struggle while I'm gone.
But I'm still going. I have to pursue my own life. I appreciate your straight talk on this difficult subject.
Thank you for this topic! It’s the conversation my wife and I are having right now. I’d love a step by step guide to all the logistics that you went through as you both made your decision and then executed on it. Did you get a storage unit for any of your stuff? What about a US mailing address? Where did you decide to go first? Thank you!
I’d love it if you’d buy my book that has exactly what you want in it! We talk about domicling, addresses, mail, taxes, packing, selling all of our stuff, you mame it! You can grab it here: https://amzn.to/4kEFqmQ
Hi Chris, nice post! I was wondering if you have some advice on how to handle it if you have kids in college that live on campus in a dorm (freshmen). Wouldn't they need a home or apartment to come home to during breaks (Thanksgiving, Winter-, Summer-break)?
We had that very situation. Sometimes she came to us, other times she stayed near school, other times she went to friends/family. It took more energy to manage than we originally thought, and we made some errors we had to overcome in following years.
Our younger daughter is three years away from college. As we prep for our slow travel journey once she leaves the nest, this is our primary concern.
We are excited to start our travel adventure. But we also want to make sure that for at least the first couple of years of college, she has a safe, familiar place to return to for those breaks, especially during summer.
How did you navigate getting her squared away for those longer stretches without stepping on the toes of friends and family?
This oart of Nomad Lufe has been the most challenging. For the holidays, she flew to us twice. One time she stayed at school with friends, another time she went to a friend's home (her choice; she wasnt interested in coming to Malaysia.) For summer, she stayed at school, went ti her aunt's, took a summer job in Spain, and the fourth she soli traveled. She was mad at us for quite some time about "nit oroviding a home." Our response was that she had a home. It was whetever we were. Theres certainly been conflict. It hasnt been easy. But I do imagine if we'd stayed in Denver while she was in college, she'd had made similar decisions.
Thanks for your forthright answer. I suppose there are no perfect solutions in a situation like this, although I do love the concept of her home being wherever you are. Luckily we have a little time to navigate this. I suspect where she goes to school we play a major role in how it all plays out. I guess there’s the travel adventure and the interpersonal adventure. Both have unexpected switchbacks and U-turns.
Right. We had all kinds of triangulations based on where she'd go to school. Of course she didn't decide about school until March and we left in May! She ended up in Ireland--a whole set of tricks with that too.
My ex taught at a private boarding school and we had many kids who were international… they spent many of the shorter holidays with the families of the friends they had made at the school… and sometimes a member of faculty would even step in and help. And these were high school students.
It's just a matter of learning how to foresee the issues of those holiday days and making arrangements.
So good to talk about this! Daniel and I don’t have parents anymore and don’t have kids, so there are few demands on us, but I often regret not spending more time with family in Europe and the U.S. Then again, I doubt I would have spend that much more time with them had I still lived in Europe fulltime.
Amen to all that! I may not be an actual nomad, but we moved from our home in South Africa, leaving behind family, moved to Ghana in 1994, then to the Netherlands in 2001, then to Zambia in 2015. And now we have family in South Africa, and in the Netherlands, including a son and partner in the latter, a son and fiancee in Hong Kong and a son with is wife here in Zambia (albeit 5 hours away in a National Park lodge/campsite that they own/operate). So we've said good-bye to family and friends on quite a few occasions. And indeed, when we visit those different places, we have better quality time together.
For me, the most difficult was leaving my mother. She had already moved from South Africa in her late 60s - partly to be near me - and was in her late 80s when I started living a nomadic life. She turned 93 last year a few months before she passed away. My husband was very gracious and we did build much of our schedule around her. We also had some moments when we very nearly hopped on a plane to get back for an emergency. Fortunately we ended up stuck in her home town when Australia closed down during Covid. The biggest saving grace was that my mother was my biggest travel advocate and loved living vicariously through me. She was infinitely curious so my life enabled her to have an expanded life when she could no longer get out there herself. I found one of the most challenging things was the (often very strong) opinions of other people on what I should and shouldn't do. I'm grateful that my mother and I could talk about it and I never needed to feel guilty as she was 100% on board. I'm not sure how I would've felt otherwise.
Thats eonderful that you and your mother continued your cliseness through travel. Perhaps the comments from other people derive from their own jealousy of the freedom you had that they wouldn't pursue?
Great insights! We have found that when we're back in the hometown near family and friends we see them more often and have more focused quality time with them than we did when we were living in the area. I think that's because we all know our time in town is short and we all want to make the most of it. -Ari
Chris, I agree with *everything* you have said here. And I get all those same questions and give all those same answers. Everyone has different distance tolerances, but I try (when I’m feeling like a guilty mom or daughter) to remind myself that we’ve given our kids an amazing opportunity to expand their worlds and—let’s be real—a safe place to land should the US continue its downward spiral.
We also let our kids choose what they wanted to save when we downsized and surprisingly—it wasn’t much (at least a lot less than what we would’ve saved!). Loved letting them be a part of that.
I know, right? Granma's heirlooms aren't wanted, who knew? And sadly, I think landing pads abroad might be coming alive soon for many people.
It's refreshing to listen to you talk about this openly. I particularly like the part where you say that you had discussions a few years ago with your parents to discover their views about care/help when they get older.
I do think that you were having/are having conversations that most people defer to later (in many cases never) because of fear. Fear of confronting the inevitable. But I also think that one of the most loving things you can do for a person is to have those conversations, put your plan in place and not leave it all for someone else to clear up.
People ask myself and my sister similar questions, sometimes even more pointed as we only have each other. We have talked about these difficult questions for many years and life feels lighter for doing so.
One of the things we loved that we did before we left was inviting the kids over to take stuff. We got to share the back stories on heirlooms. They took whatever they wanted. We told them to act as if we were dead, and just take take take! Getting rid of all of our stuff now rather than forcing them to have to deal with it all after our death was so refreshing.
Brava Chris. I so love, agree with and relate to this post. You articulate so much of our situation and feelings. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you Matt
We met with resistance from family members we least expected to, and the ones we thought would be dead set against our nomad plans were actually supportive. You never know.
My MIL said she was sad that we were leaving the USA and that she'd never see us now. We live in WA state and she is in KY. The reality is that once we don't have a house and property to take care of, we will be able to spend more time with her, and more often. She has property and will be taking care of the grand-dogs for us.
One potential issue I can foresee is too much time together in a chunk. I love my parents, but I am used to visiting with them for a few hours and then not seeing them for a few weeks. I think when we visit, we'll get our own place.
That's a perfectly acceptable strategy and one where you both benefit.
Chris, this is going to hit a nerve — and that’s probably why it matters.
The data piece is powerful. So many people use “family” as a reason not to leap, but when you showed the actual days together before and after? That reframes everything. Intentional beats proximity.
I also appreciate that you didn’t sugarcoat the elder-care question. It’s layered. Cultural. Emotional. But you named something important: planning conversations early changes the dynamic from guilt to clarity.
What stood out to me most was this idea:
“When we changed the dynamic, the family changed, too.”
That’s the part people underestimate. We assume the structure has to stay fixed for everyone to stay connected. But sometimes removing the “home base” forces relationships to become more deliberate — less default, more chosen.
We launched our own midlife shift at 53, and I heard versions of the same concern: What about the kids? What about being available? And what I’ve found is that adult children don’t need a physical headquarters. They need presence, honesty, and a model of what it looks like to build a life you actually want.
That said — I’m curious. Has there been a moment in these five years where you questioned the choice? Not enough to undo it, but enough to feel the pull of a more rooted life?
Because I think that tension — freedom vs. proximity — is the real conversation.
Bold piece. I'm not surprised that it's sparking some comment threads!
Kelly 💛
Thank you Kelly. Yes, that tension with our daughter shows up often. But I think its more her growing pains than us making a careless decision. It’d like to write more about this because I don't. It’s too personal to her, and I don’t have her permission. (I haven’t asked.)
Absolutely right. My family fully expects me to be traveling the world for as long as I choose to once I get Dad's stuff sorted and the house sold. For which I've given myself a year. And they're aware of that too. I have three grandchildren from 15 to 3 months. Definitely plan on being back to visit for brief periods.
Yes!!!
When I used to imagine retirement and more travel, it never occurred to me that I would feel so much conflict about being away from family. That was a revelation. When I retired we moved to same town as my parents (who are in the 80s) and now I see them every day. They have come to rely on me.
Now, every time I go away, I feel like I am abandoning them. My next trip is in a few weeks and I'll be gone for two months. I know they will struggle while I'm gone.
But I'm still going. I have to pursue my own life. I appreciate your straight talk on this difficult subject.
Thank you for this topic! It’s the conversation my wife and I are having right now. I’d love a step by step guide to all the logistics that you went through as you both made your decision and then executed on it. Did you get a storage unit for any of your stuff? What about a US mailing address? Where did you decide to go first? Thank you!
I’d love it if you’d buy my book that has exactly what you want in it! We talk about domicling, addresses, mail, taxes, packing, selling all of our stuff, you mame it! You can grab it here: https://amzn.to/4kEFqmQ
All painful issues but can be resolved like you explain. Thank you
All of them? xx
Creating balance!!! If possible…
You've nicely laid out the pros and cons, and reality of nomad life.
Hi Chris, nice post! I was wondering if you have some advice on how to handle it if you have kids in college that live on campus in a dorm (freshmen). Wouldn't they need a home or apartment to come home to during breaks (Thanksgiving, Winter-, Summer-break)?
We had that very situation. Sometimes she came to us, other times she stayed near school, other times she went to friends/family. It took more energy to manage than we originally thought, and we made some errors we had to overcome in following years.
Our younger daughter is three years away from college. As we prep for our slow travel journey once she leaves the nest, this is our primary concern.
We are excited to start our travel adventure. But we also want to make sure that for at least the first couple of years of college, she has a safe, familiar place to return to for those breaks, especially during summer.
How did you navigate getting her squared away for those longer stretches without stepping on the toes of friends and family?
This oart of Nomad Lufe has been the most challenging. For the holidays, she flew to us twice. One time she stayed at school with friends, another time she went to a friend's home (her choice; she wasnt interested in coming to Malaysia.) For summer, she stayed at school, went ti her aunt's, took a summer job in Spain, and the fourth she soli traveled. She was mad at us for quite some time about "nit oroviding a home." Our response was that she had a home. It was whetever we were. Theres certainly been conflict. It hasnt been easy. But I do imagine if we'd stayed in Denver while she was in college, she'd had made similar decisions.
Thanks for your forthright answer. I suppose there are no perfect solutions in a situation like this, although I do love the concept of her home being wherever you are. Luckily we have a little time to navigate this. I suspect where she goes to school we play a major role in how it all plays out. I guess there’s the travel adventure and the interpersonal adventure. Both have unexpected switchbacks and U-turns.
Right. We had all kinds of triangulations based on where she'd go to school. Of course she didn't decide about school until March and we left in May! She ended up in Ireland--a whole set of tricks with that too.
My ex taught at a private boarding school and we had many kids who were international… they spent many of the shorter holidays with the families of the friends they had made at the school… and sometimes a member of faculty would even step in and help. And these were high school students.
It's just a matter of learning how to foresee the issues of those holiday days and making arrangements.
So good to talk about this! Daniel and I don’t have parents anymore and don’t have kids, so there are few demands on us, but I often regret not spending more time with family in Europe and the U.S. Then again, I doubt I would have spend that much more time with them had I still lived in Europe fulltime.
So true, isn’t it?
Amen to all that! I may not be an actual nomad, but we moved from our home in South Africa, leaving behind family, moved to Ghana in 1994, then to the Netherlands in 2001, then to Zambia in 2015. And now we have family in South Africa, and in the Netherlands, including a son and partner in the latter, a son and fiancee in Hong Kong and a son with is wife here in Zambia (albeit 5 hours away in a National Park lodge/campsite that they own/operate). So we've said good-bye to family and friends on quite a few occasions. And indeed, when we visit those different places, we have better quality time together.
And now you have even more places to visit!
For me, the most difficult was leaving my mother. She had already moved from South Africa in her late 60s - partly to be near me - and was in her late 80s when I started living a nomadic life. She turned 93 last year a few months before she passed away. My husband was very gracious and we did build much of our schedule around her. We also had some moments when we very nearly hopped on a plane to get back for an emergency. Fortunately we ended up stuck in her home town when Australia closed down during Covid. The biggest saving grace was that my mother was my biggest travel advocate and loved living vicariously through me. She was infinitely curious so my life enabled her to have an expanded life when she could no longer get out there herself. I found one of the most challenging things was the (often very strong) opinions of other people on what I should and shouldn't do. I'm grateful that my mother and I could talk about it and I never needed to feel guilty as she was 100% on board. I'm not sure how I would've felt otherwise.
Thats eonderful that you and your mother continued your cliseness through travel. Perhaps the comments from other people derive from their own jealousy of the freedom you had that they wouldn't pursue?
Great insights! We have found that when we're back in the hometown near family and friends we see them more often and have more focused quality time with them than we did when we were living in the area. I think that's because we all know our time in town is short and we all want to make the most of it. -Ari
Isn't that the truth? I think if more people understood this, they'd launch their nomad lives sooner.