Communication: The Challenge of Nomad Life

The Dream Can't Be His Alone

She wants a home base. He doesn’t. There’s tension.

Traveling full-time as a couple has its challenges, starting with agreeing to the same vision of Nomad Life. If the vision is double, drama results. Let’s take a look at the three things that contribute to the stress when the vision is blurry.

We’ll start with the togetherness. After all, you’ll be together 365/24/7. You may have always been together all the time in your pre-nomad life. Maybe you ran a business together. Or you worked from home. Or maybe you *felt* like you were together 365/24/7.

A lifetime where the routine of coffee in the morning, dinner together, a trip to the gym, and tucking the kids to bed may have seemed like 365/24/7.

But in nomad life, you truly are together all the time. From airplane seats to narrow alley-shaped kitchens, your space becomes his space.

Space Is Small

And speaking of space. Here’s the other challenging truth. The space you’ll be together in will be smaller than the space you came from.

Perhaps you had a 2-story house. His floor, your floor. Or maybe you had your own chair. Or coffee cup. Or place to put your cell phone. He had his.

In Nomad Life, you won’t have any of that. Every day brings a new chat over who gets the better wine glass, where to place your computers, and which hooks you’ll hang your wet towels.

The Tension

So when the communication about dreams and wishes for Nomad Life aren’t the same prior to launching, traveling full-time with each other can become difficult despite the fun of discovering new flavors, seeing wild orangutans, or hiking to the top of Patagonia.

Because after all the sight seeing and wine tasting, you still have to come back to the one-bedroom apartment with an awkward couch, a dull knife, and a broken remote control. And you’ll ask yourself what you’re doing and why you’re doing it, again and again.

Nomad Life Is Someone’s Dream

Nomad Life is the best life. It’s a dream life. It’s what everyone else wishes they were doing. But ya gotta get the dream defined with your partner, or everything else will just simply be hard, particularly the togetherness and the minimal space.

Let’s look at a travel couple we know. (I’ve changed the scenario a bit to protect their own story.)

They sold almost everything, leaving an apartment-size set of furniture in storage so that they could quickly set up home shop if they return to the USA. After 18 months of full-time travel, Susan’s miserable. Janet’s thrilled.

Having lunch with them felt like an old-tyme taffy pull at the county fair.

Here’s what’s happened. When they launched, Susan told Janet that she was in it for six months. She shared with Janet that she’d follow her because it was Janet’s dream to travel the world.

Janet was thrilled. She said let’s go here, there, here, there.

They’ve been moving about the world without a particular plan or guiding priniciple to help make their travel decisions. If the train is going that way, let’s take it, Janet says. We’ll jump off at an interesting spot, and see what’s there!

On the other hand, Susan, the nester, wonders when the hell they can get off the train and find a flight bound for the US? Afterall, she committed to six months, and the six months ticked. All she wants is a place to rest, go home, see the kids, refresh. Then maybe they can return to their world travels.

When Luggage Becomes Baggage

Their luggage is heavy. Big. Filled with four seasons of clothes. Because they don’t know where they’re going two weeks from now, they’re ready for everything.

Susan can’t lug the bags, so Janet does. Up stairs, down stairs, along cobble stones, through gutters. Not only is Janet carrying their luggage, but she’s carrying Susan’s baggage too.

Here’s the crux. They don’t want to go back to where they came from and where their stuff is in storage (we’ll say it’s Nevada.) They can’t agree on the perfect spot, so they keep traveling to fill Janet’s joy. “Willy nilly travel” according to Susan.

When asked what they’d do if they each had a month to spend on their own, Susan said she’d do what Janet doesn’t want to do. Janet said she’d figure out where home is.

Sadly, they’re miserable and can’t figure out how to make Nomad Life work for both of them.

The Secret to Couple Bliss on the Road

For couples who travel, what’s the secret sauce to being blissful while traveling? The buzz of the travel wears off, and you’re left with the infrastructure of your relationship. If your coupleness had problems before you left, you’ll still have those same problems while on the road.

Communication is the key. And here’s the reveal. The way that

• you communicate,

• how much you communicate,

• what you communicate about,

• why you communicate, and

• where you communicate

completely changes in Nomad Life. It’s no longer, what’s for dinner, can you walk the dog, did you get the mail?

It’s deep communication about dreams. All the time. Everytime you move.

Understand your Nomad Life starts way before you book your first trip. It’s like a first date. You’ve got to imagine, dream, and connect to continue to the next date. Like at the second date, you must build a vision together for how your Nomad Life, er, relationship, will grow and flourish.

What did you connect on back then on your first date? In your Nomad Life, what are your new dreams? Your wishes? Your passions? It can’t be just about one person’s dreams.

It has to be about both of you.

A Shared Vision

Together, you make a vision. Together you come up with a travel manifesto. Together you work out the WHY to your Nomad Life.

It can be simple:

• Drink all the red wine

• Scuba the best spots

• See the UNESCO sites

• Write the great novel

• Dance tango on seven continents

But go willy-nilly from here to there dragging luggage that’s become baggage because she had a dream and you didn’t? That’s a long vacation trying to be a Nomad Life which isn’t sustainable.

Open Minds Lead to Open Roads

When I first approached Steve about living life abroad and becoming nomads, he was like Willis in Diff’rent Strokes, “Say what?” But he had an open mind and an open heart. He began dreaming too, and soon, we came up with the vision for our Nomad Life that incorporates both of our dreams.

We travel the world, chasing 72 degrees. We snorkel the world’s best waters, visit the earth’s amazing spots, hike multi-day trails, move about a month at a time, and return to the USA once a year.

Each year, we reassess. Because dreams change.

How is the conversation going with your partner? Are you sharing your dreams?

You can read more about Talking with Your Partner about Nomad Life here.

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