Retire Differently

It's All about You

“You’re so brave!”

I heard this at least 33 times when I shared with that we were headed out to Nomad Life. Selling everything. Buying one-way tickets. No return plans.

I’d scratch my head. Brave?

I’m not brave.

Really.

I was just tired of thinking I had to live a life that Americana sold me.

Part 1: Work hard. Save money. Retire.

Part 2: Then play golf. Have family dinners. See grandkids. Watch NFL on Sundays.

Trust me. There’s nothing wrong with that life, and if it’s one you’re enjoying and love, good on you. It fits you.

It didn’t fit me.

This was NOT how I saw retirement

Yes, I bought into the Work Hard, Save Money, Retire Game. I won at it, too. Retiring at 49. But when retirement unexpectedly arrived even earlier than I thought it would, I halted the brakes on the expectations and screeched to a different direction.

I knew what I wasn’t going to do. Sit and get old by moving to Florida, God’s waiting room.

Golf Scores Lower Than My Age

The thought of endless rounds of golf where I attempted to keep my golf score lower than my age, grinning through 3 year-old birthday parties with precocious best friends of princesses, and being asked to bring my “famous” macaroni and cheese to dinner parties just didn’t sit squarely in my repertoire of happy living.

It seemed like a fast way to kick a bucket list of adventure into a kicked bucket.

Maybe this to-be-expected lifestyle of living will be interesting to me when I’m older, after all, I’ll live to 100 at least, but it’s not a life I could possibly fathom earlier than 85.

Early Retirement Starts Early

I remember the first time I thought about retirement. Granted, I didn’t know at the time what my retirement would be, but my 23-year old friend in my new-hire cohort clarified it for me in 1989. She couldn’t wait until she was 60 to get an RV and go see all the National Parks.

Our retirements were decades away. I remember exactly what I said to her, “You’re going to wait 37 years to enjoy your life?”

But this was…

Little did I understand at the time, but this was my first whack at the American Retirement Dream. RV Living when I retired never crossed my mind, ever. That day I started 1) a 401k, 2) vesting, 3) matching, 4) saving, and 5) spending less.

Rebellion Against the Machine

Despite starting my retirement fund early, I still didn’t know what I would do when I retired. I knew what I didn’t want to do.

I wasn’t brave. I was rebellious.

And through that rebellion, I took on the challenge of life-long responsiblities that fall into the would/should/could categories.

1. I figured out a way to find my insurance and my healthcare more affordably in global destinations rather than rely on overpriced care in the US.

2. I embraced the way my family raised me; apart from each other, independent of family proximities, yet still close emotionally.

3. I learned to travel. Not package vacations, but real travel. I delved into language learning, understanding that a few words in any language go a long way.

4. I embraced how to show up with intention rather than through tradition. I arranged family visits around what worked for them, which never included the holidays where their other family obligations crept in.

5. I created experiences with friends rather than gifts for management and eventual disposal. Hiking, concerts, shows instead of toaster covers, wine glasses, and candles.

6. I slowly created a life with short strings which easily allow me to untie upon exit.

So when it came to my version of the American (Retirement) Dream, I could cast aside the options sold to us; patio homes on lake shores, oversized trucks designed as RVs, and time-share rentals in over-touristed destinations. Instead, I could leave the trappings of the Dream and travel the world I craved.

My life systems of family connection, heirloom rejection, and responsible intention gave me freedom to roam.

The Family Pressure on the American Retirement Dream

I questioned the traditions of the family connections. Was there a way to stay connected with family members without having to be in the same room or do Sunday dinner each week? I created boundaries that removed toxic family members. I scrubbed conversations to get to needs and added in the wants. I taught family how to use communication tools to keep relationships going.

Heirlooms got used and distributed rather than stored and saved. We asked family if they wanted any items, and if they didn’t, we disposed of them. We intentionally shared stories behind heirlooms so family members could continue the stories if they wanted them. We didn’t hoard items with the intention to surprise family members later with gifts they may not even want. Or, we asked what they did want, and simply gave the items to them.

We had realistic conversations about responsibilities. We honed in on who was really responsible to take care of whom? And did all parties want to participate in that caregiving? We discussed alternatives and happiness. Joy, not responsiblity, lead the discussion. We found that the elder care we thought we’d have to take on in the future was not the wish of the people who’d need the care.

I Kicked the American Retirement Dream to the Curb

I’m not brave. I simply wanted a life, which includes my retirement, built around my dreams of being a global citizen as a full-time traveling nomad. It’s different than most people’s dreams. After all, I’ve written that America isn’t worth it anymore. This includes the American Retirement Dream, too.

What are you dreaming you could do? Why can’t you do it? How could you change one of your systems so that you could reach your dream?

No bravery required.

Just a little bit of rebellion.

See you next week.

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